oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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