I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize