i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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