my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
