Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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