Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
