dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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