I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
