These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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