omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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