I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
