and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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