he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
