and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
