it wasn't lemon gatorade
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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