it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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