You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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