I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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