Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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