We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
