how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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