I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
