I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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