Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
