he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
