I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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