If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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