Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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