Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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