I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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