My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
