Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
