the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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