yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
