I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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