I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
