Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
