the condom got lost in my hair
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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