plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
