my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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