It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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