I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
