Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
