I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
