I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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