I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
