tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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