doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
