i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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