One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
