I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
