The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
