so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
