Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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