I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
