You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
