I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
