I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
