Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
