Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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