you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
