This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
