You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
