i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
