the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my shit smells like andre
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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