well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
