Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
