I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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