i can't believe i had my finger in that
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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