so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
