The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
