Just fell off a train. Bad.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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