think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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