dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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