Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
