I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
