Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
