My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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