every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
