Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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