honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize