you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
